I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I blogged! My last few have been fairly topical, or just clips. I think it’s time to start talking about some of my life events, hey?
Okay, so an update on the situation with the drama that occurred a short while ago: It seems as though the animosity has blown over. He and I are back to speaking socially, and I have agreed to the terms he suggested; the other day he came up to me and said, basically, ‘Can we just agree that we both went places that crossed lines, and move on?’ It wasn’t an apology, and it still didn’t really address the issue at hand, but it was an olive branch, and I was more than willing to put this in a bucket in the back of a closet. I was over the drama before it started, and I wanted a situation where I could go into my favorite bars and not have to segregate myself from friends because ‘we’ weren’t on speaking terms. That said, I have chosen to wait for follow up on two questions I posed, to which I may never get answers for. I am comfortable with where we are at now, and realize that all the stupid arguments and issues we have had in the past really come to this same style of situation. I won’t go into details as to our differences when it comes to discussion – he and I just see situations and conversations differently, and words can be used to empower, or de-value.
On a lighter note, Don Johnson is having a birthday party Thursday. I am really looking forward to it, because I have setup some fun things on the video/audio portion of the evening. For those of you who would like to come celebrate (with $3.50 cosmos), check out his Facebook Event at http://facebook.com/event.php?eid=106903968175
My DJ ‘career’ such as it is has seemed to re-surface as of late. I have 3 ‘gigs’ lined up in the next couple weeks. I told myself that I was going to get out of the ‘business’ because I dread planning and reserving all the time, not to mention the setup and tear down, but once I am there and doing it, I seem to always have a blast. Plus, it’s extra money towards my savings, which is always very helpful. I still have some debts that I would like to repay (personal loans, etc.)
So, my non-smoking challenge is faltering a bit. I have found myself smoking more than I would like to at the bar, and I know it’s because I am in such a habit of doing it, that it just seems unnatural not to. When I go to Denver, or Chicago, it seems as though I don’t even think of it. I look forward to the time when Milwaukee will be smoke-free, and then the temptation will hopefully go with it. As a smoker (still), I appreciate the freedom to smoke where I want, but as a person, I hate the smell of it in public, and I hate being ‘that guy’ who smokes. I am just over it. I have discussed this in previous blogs, so I won’t go into my thoughts on legality and ‘rights’, but I will reiterate that I am looking forward to the idea of a non-smoking Milwaukee.
If you hadn’t noticed, I have (yet again) revamped soniq.org. I have changed the layout and design a bit to reflect a more structured look, and I am hoping that will make a friendlier experience for my visitors. I have added a FaceBook app, and the galleries are much more ‘3.0’. If you haven’t yet, feel free to take a look:
http://apps.facebook.com/soniqorg/
Speaking of Facebook: I get teased all the time at the amount of people I have on my facebook. Now, I want to clarify this, and also ask your opinion on things. I pride myself on the fact that every single person I have added to Facebook is someone that I actively talk to, work with, or associate with outside of Facebook. I have toyed with the idea of ‘pruining’ my list to eliminate the people that I rarely to never socialize with – this thought begs the question: what is Facebook for? I have the feeling that many people use this social tool for a variety of purposes, and to that end, what is my goal? For example, many people on my list are from high school. Would I invite them out for a drink on a random Tuesday? Probably not. Yet, do I have another way to contact them, should I need/want? No. This is where my frustration brings me. If I ‘clean slate’, and drop all the people that don’t hold a significant place in my life as it is, will I really have lost anything? Can I find them again, should I need to talk to them? With the way Facebook has default security, as well as the user-settings, can I trust that removing people not in my ‘main circle’ is the right course of action? I have curbed my OCD on this by creating groups, and ‘filing’ away people that don’t occupy my daily or weekly life – to me, this serves as a reasonable method keeping a proverbial ‘reference’ book of all the friends, past and present. I do wish that ‘friends’ would be friends, and not businesses (that’s what PAGES are for!).
Facebook has proved to be a useful tool though, in a lot of ways. For example, my brother’s wife found me on there last week. I haven’t seen my brother in something like 14 years – we have been exchanging information and such, and hopefully we will have an opportunity to meet once again. I don’t know what to expect honestly, and a bit nervous – I am definitely my mother’s son, and I am not sure how compatible I will be with their family. I hope, at the very least, we can catch up, and maybe share a little of our lives. For those of you that don’t know, I have 10 brothers and sisters – my father was kind of a man-whore. He was also not very good to his children. Now, he was great when he lived with us, but he had this uncanny ability to ‘forget’ about his kids, once he was out of the picture. It was rather sad, actually. I didn’t really get to have a father growing up, and I am sure his other kids felt the same.
In 26 hours or so, Tony will be back in town. I can’t begin to tell you how much I miss this man. I find myself thinking about him at the weirdest times, which for me, means that he’s important. He’s becoming one of the most important people in my life, and, dare I say it? I love the man. In a lot of ways I was really upset that Tom and I didn’t work out, because I really did have love for him – and as I have said before, he was and always will be a part of my heart – but the reality of it was that it wasn’t right for us to be together. We both knew it, we fought it, we fought each other. Tony and I seem different. With him, it feels just *that* much more natural. I think being similar in age helps, but not because OF age; I think it just allows us to have more in common. To bond at a peer level, as well as lovers. (Gag: I hate the term ‘lovers’.) Anyway, I really do love the guy, and I can’t wait to see where it leads. Eventually, since he lives in Denver, choices will have to be made. Who will move? Where will we live? We’ll see where plans lead us.
On a side note, many of you may have noticed that Tom (my ex) is working at a gay bar called Kruz. Let me tell you, I have so many mixed feelings on that.
- He holds to the fact that he is bi-sexual.
- When we were dating, I had to pull teeth to get him to go to a bar
- I don’t want him to let this new job affect his school path
- I know what it’s like to be 20-something and get lots of attention; it’s a strong pull
- I am a little upset that many of the things that he does now, he wasn’t doing when we were together; things that we could have done together
- It’s still a little bit hard to see people look at him as a ‘hottie’ – I may still feel like he’s ‘mine’ a bit yet. When we were dating, I could fend them off – now, he has to make those choices himself.
- Maybe there’s a part of me that knows I am not that guy anymore. I mean, when I was 22, I *was* him. I had people hitting on me all the time, I was young and cute and popular. I don’t hold that status anymore. I envy that.
- Part of me is glad that part of my life is over
- I hope he can take some of the advice we have given him to heart
OK, That’s three pages. I am done blogging for now. J I’ll blog in the car for you as well, just because it’s been specifically requested.
